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Thread: HUMOR (no profanity PG13 )

  1. #121
    Senior Member cindyo's Avatar
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    Bill, my daughter has a GALA event at her HS this weekend....She is in drumline...and guess what they are playing...TRASH CANS !!!! cindyo

  2. #122
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cindyo View Post
    Bill, my daughter has a GALA event at her HS this weekend....She is in drumline...and guess what they are playing...TRASH CANS !!!! cindyo
    Thats to funny.

  3. #123
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his
    crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew
    became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me
    my Red shirt!" The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red
    shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the
    pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the
    crew, the pirates were repelled.

    Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were now TWO
    pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear,
    but the Captain, calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"
    And once again the battle was on. Once again the Captain and his
    crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more
    casualties occurred.

    Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night
    recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the
    Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt
    before the battle?"

    The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a Captain can
    give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not
    show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid."

    The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As
    dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were
    more pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their
    way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their
    leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever,
    bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

  4. #124
    Senior Member cindyo's Avatar
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    Orrin...good one...I enjoy your excellent sence of humor !

  5. #125
    Senior Member Arubalisa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cindyo View Post
    Orrin...good one...I enjoy your excellent sence of humor !
    Me too!

  6. #126
    Senior Member danadog56's Avatar
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    Me three !!!!!!
    ARUBA....HOME AWAY FROM HOME

  7. #127
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cindyo View Post
    Orrin...good one...I enjoy your excellent sence of humor !
    Thanks... there are a lot more if you click on the link under my signature!

  8. #128
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    I like hats

    I think it will*work.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails HUMOR (no profanity PG13 )-hat.jpg  

  9. #129
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During
    the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive
    and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening he
    started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and
    the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading the young priest's
    thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I know what you must
    be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my
    housekeeper is purely professional."

    About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and
    said, "Father, ever since the young Father came to dinner, I've
    been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't
    suppose he took it do you?"

    The priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter
    just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

    "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'did' take a gravy ladle
    from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy
    ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since
    you were here for dinner."

    Several days later the elderly priest received a letter from the
    young priest which read:

    "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your
    housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your
    housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in
    your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."

  10. #130
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    Gun Control
    A new political official, at a recent rural elementary school assembly in
    East Texas, asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he
    started to
    slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in
    total silence.

    Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands
    together, a child in America dies from gun violence.'

    Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the
    quiet and said: ''Well, dumba**, stop clapping!'

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