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Thread: HUMOR (no profanity PG13 )

  1. #141
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun
    Baptist Church and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the
    Covenant Church across the road.

    They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the
    ground, that read:

    'Da End is Near
    Turn Yo Sef 'Roun Now
    Afore It Be Too Late!'

    As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and
    yelled, 'You religious nuts!'

    From the curve they heard screeching tires, and a big splash...

    Boudreaux turns to Thibodaux and asks, 'Do ya tink maybe da sign
    should jussay..... 'Bridge Out?'

  2. #142
    Senior Member cindyo's Avatar
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    Orrin..i love your humor..another good one.

  3. #143
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    The Missing Pigs
    Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly.

    "Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked.

    "Yeth." lisped the farmer.

    Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

  4. #144
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    A lawyer trying to get tickets to the rage of the day, Phantom of
    the Opera, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in
    advance. When the exciting night arrived, the woman in front of
    the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a
    valuable commodity was unused.

    The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked
    him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the
    seat.

    He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."

  5. #145
    Aruba since 1979
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    Andrea J.'s Avatar
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    For chuckie's dad

    The Pope Visits Alaska

    The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

    A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Save the Whales' hat and a 'To Hell with Bush' T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10 foot grizzly bear.

    As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp, then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck, while the third tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

    As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over.

    'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!', he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental Activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'

    As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies, 'Who was that guy?'

    'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom.'

    'Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom, but he sure don't know nothin' about bear huntin! Is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?'

  6. #146
    Senior Member rob o's Avatar
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    Nice story....wish it were true!
    Please contact via e-mail at arubarennowner@gmail.com



  7. #147
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    laughing all the way down the beach

  8. #148
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
    Both were very faithful and loving wives, however
    they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi
    Breezers.

    Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to
    pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

    One of them had nothing to wipe with so
    she thought she would take off her panties and use
    them.

    Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive
    pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

    She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave
    that had a wreath with a ribbon on it,
    so she proceeded to wipe with that.

    After the girls did their business they proceeded
    to go home.

    The next day one of the women's husband
    was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent
    wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other
    husband and said: 'These girl nights have got to stop!
    I'm starting to suspect the worst... my wife came home
    with no panties!!'

    'That's nothing', said the other husband,
    'Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that
    said.....

    'From all of us at the Fire Station.
    We'll never forget you.'

  9. #149
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    A research group on sea mammals captured a rather odd porpoise
    on one of its trips. Its peculiarity was that it had feet. After they had
    photographed and measured the poor thing, they prepared to set it free.

    "Wait a minute," said one of the researchers, "Wouldn't it be a
    kindness if our ship's doctor here were to amputate the feet so
    that it would be like other porpoises?" "

    Not on your life," exclaimed the doctor, "That would be defeeting
    the porpoise."

  10. #150
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orrin View Post
    A research group on sea mammals captured a rather odd porpoise
    on one of its trips. Its peculiarity was that it had feet. After they had
    photographed and measured the poor thing, they prepared to set it free.

    "Wait a minute," said one of the researchers, "Wouldn't it be a
    kindness if our ship's doctor here were to amputate the feet so
    that it would be like other porpoises?" "

    Not on your life," exclaimed the doctor, "That would be defeeting
    the porpoise."
    Your just to funny!!!! Thanks. I love new material.

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