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Thread: HUMOR (no profanity PG13 )

  1. #151
    Senior Member cindyo's Avatar
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    orrin...keep them coming...love em, cindy

  2. #152
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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  3. #153
    Senior Member Shelly's Avatar
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    Ha Ha Orrin!!!! That's a good one!!!!

  4. #154
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.


    "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.


    "Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

  5. #155
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a
    uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my daddy."

    The cop asked, "What's he like?"

    The little boy replied, "Jack Daniels and women with big tits".

  6. #156
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    A man stopped at a gas station to fill up. As he finished, the
    nozzle dripped a little gas onto his sleeve. The man didn't think
    anything of it as he went inside to pay and then left. He lit a
    cigarette and then dropped the lighter. His sleeve caught on
    fire. He thought he'd try to put it out by hanging his arm out
    the window and driving a little faster.

    The police pulled him over for having an "illegal fire-arm".

  7. #157
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers

    Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers


    No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
    If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
    If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
    Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
    If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.
    If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
    Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
    The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
    The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
    The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

  8. #158
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bill View Post
    Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers


    No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
    If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
    If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
    Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
    If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.
    If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
    Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
    The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
    The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
    The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.
    Murphy's law is an adage that broadly states:
    "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong."

    There is a story that Murphy himself realized his law in all it's simplicity,
    when his girlfriend announced the impending birth of an heir to his family
    fortune.
    Last edited by Orrin; 06-29-2009 at 10:33 PM.
    Orrin

  9. #159
    Senior Member rob o's Avatar
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    So….

    A man is arrested for shooting and eating a rare, endangered California Condor. The judge, at first, says this inexcusable. The man pleas “but I was lost in the woods for days and starving”.

    Much to his surprise, the judge finds that the man has a valid excuse and dismisses the case.

    Later, the two meet in the parking lot. The judge asks, I have to wonder, what does a California Condor taste like?”. The man replies…………….

    …….kind of a cross between a bald eagle and a thresher shark!
    Please contact via e-mail at arubarennowner@gmail.com



  10. #160
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the
    moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man, one
    giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several
    remarks - the usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts
    and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the
    enigmatic remark, "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

    Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some
    rival Soviet Cosmonaut; however, upon checking, there was no
    Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

    Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the
    "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay,
    Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter
    brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. He finally
    responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt
    he could answer the question.

    When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in
    the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of
    his neighbor's bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs.
    Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs.
    Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want?
    You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

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