Aruba Beach
Page 18 of 39 FirstFirst ... 8161718192028 ... LastLast
Results 171 to 180 of 382
Like Tree24Likes

Thread: HUMOR (no profanity PG13 )

  1. #171
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    178
    After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York
    scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and
    came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a
    telephone network more than 100 years ago.

    Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed,
    a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly
    after, a story in the LA Times read: 'California archaeologists,
    finding traces of a 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that
    their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications
    network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'

    One week later, The Courier Hub, a local newspaper in Wisconsin,
    reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his
    pasture near Stoughton, Wisconsin, Ole Olson, a self-taught
    archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has
    therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Wisconsin had already
    gone wireless."

  2. #172
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Any beach, party, bar or Casino!!!!!!
    Posts
    1,093
    Proud Texan Father
    A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.

    Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"

    "Yup, shore am!"

    "How much does he weigh now?"

    The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."

    The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."

    The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"

  3. #173
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    178
    A dentist recounts how he was sharing this story with an elderly
    lady, just as he was putting on his rubber gloves.

    "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

    She said, "No?"

    "Well", he spoofed, "down in Puerto Rico they have this big
    building set up with a large tank of latex, and the natives walk
    up to the tank, and dip their hands in - and then walk around for
    a bit while the latex sets up - then they peel off the gloves and
    throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and go around
    again."

    And she didn't laugh a bit!!!

    Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning
    her teeth because she burst out laughing.

    She explained, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make
    condoms!"

  4. #174
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    178
    Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in
    fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized
    that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.

    Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of
    course the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick.

    Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and
    embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.

    The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where
    he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.
    Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

    Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the
    teacher "I can't find it".

    Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the
    school for a while, to help him find the bathroom.

    Tommy and Billy go together and five minutes later they both
    return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Tommy
    "Well, did you find it?"

    Tommy is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer
    shorts on backwards"

  5. #175
    Senior Member danadog56's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    everywhere and anywhere
    Posts
    2,798
    Quote Originally Posted by Orrin View Post
    A dentist recounts how he was sharing this story with an elderly
    lady, just as he was putting on his rubber gloves.

    "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

    She said, "No?"

    "Well", he spoofed, "down in Puerto Rico they have this big
    building set up with a large tank of latex, and the natives walk
    up to the tank, and dip their hands in - and then walk around for
    a bit while the latex sets up - then they peel off the gloves and
    throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and go around
    again."

    And she didn't laugh a bit!!!

    Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning
    her teeth because she burst out laughing.

    She explained, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make
    condoms!"
    Orrin....you slay me !!!!!!
    ARUBA....HOME AWAY FROM HOME

  6. #176
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Any beach, party, bar or Casino!!!!!!
    Posts
    1,093
    The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget this particular Sunday sermon: 'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face, 'Without you, we are but dust...' aHe would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'

  7. #177
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Any beach, party, bar or Casino!!!!!!
    Posts
    1,093
    The Veterinarian

    One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again
    the next week!

    The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,"
    he stated.

    "Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church."

    The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?"

    The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week."

    The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"

    "He is a veterinarian," she answered.

    "That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"

    The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada .. he has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas , and one in Reno '.


  8. #178
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    178
    I've never understood why women love cats!
    Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call,
    they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked,
    then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that
    women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

  9. #179
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    178
    Quote Originally Posted by Bill View Post
    The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada .. he has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas , and one in Reno '.
    It's a funny joke but to set the record straight, brothels are not legal in the
    counties where Las Vegas and Reno are located. They are only legal in the
    sparsly populated counties. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_brothels_in_Nevada

  10. #180
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Any beach, party, bar or Casino!!!!!!
    Posts
    1,093
    Quote Originally Posted by Orrin View Post
    It's a funny joke but to set the record straight, brothels are not legal in the
    counties where Las Vegas and Reno are located. They are only legal in the
    sparsly populated counties. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_brothels_in_Nevada

Page 18 of 39 FirstFirst ... 8161718192028 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO