Community Forum

Orrin · 08-09-2009, 09:33 PM

Aging

First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

cindyo · 08-10-2009, 09:09 AM

orrin,orrin,orrin..
What would we do without you? I think you are one of the funniest people I know, well, know on this site...thank you for your sence of humor...I get it completely !

Orrin · 08-11-2009, 05:19 PM

Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge
University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright
young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes
and Ale. The following dialog ensued:

Proctor: I beg your pardon?

Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

Proctor: Sorry, no.

Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you
bring me Cakes and Ale.

At this point, the studnet produced a copy of the four hundred
year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally
in effect, and pointed to the section which read (roughly
translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and
require Cakes and Ale." Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the
modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his
examination and happily slurping away.

Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not
wearing a sword to the examination.

Bill · 08-12-2009, 10:07 PM

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed
>> was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
>> Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to
>> 'Dad.'
>>
>> With the worst premonition he opened the envelope
>>
>> with trembling hands and read the letter.
>>
>>
>> Dear Dad:
>>
>> It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.. I had to elope
>> with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and
>> you.
>>
>> I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
>>
>> But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing,
>> tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older
>> than I am. But it' s not only the passion.....Dad she's pregnant.
>>
>> Stacy said that we will be very happy.
>>
>> She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole
>> winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
>>
>> Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt
>> anyone.
>> We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people
>> that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
>>
>> In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
>>
>> Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
>>
>> Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
>>
>> Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can
>>
>>
>> get to know your grandchildren.
>>
>>
>> Love, Your Son John
>>
>>
>>
>> PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.
>>
>>
>> I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a
>> Report card That's in my center desk drawer.
>>
>>
>> I love you.
>>
>>
>> Call me when it's safe to come home.

Orrin · 08-13-2009, 04:56 PM

Q. What's the difference between oral and rectal thermometers?

A. The taste.

cindyo · 08-13-2009, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orrin

q. What's the difference between oral and rectal thermometers?

A. The taste.

orrin...you freaking kill me !!!

arubamark · 08-13-2009, 08:32 PM

Polish Sausage

Everyone is in a hurry to scream 'racism' these days!

A man asks a store clerk, 'In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?'
The clerk looks at him and says, 'Are you Polish?'

The guy (clearly offended) says, 'Well, yes I am.
But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst,
would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog.
would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a taco,
would you ask if I was Mexican?'

'If I asked for some Irish whiskey,
would you ask if I was Irish?'

The clerk says, 'Well, no, I probably wouldn't!'

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says,
'Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish
because I asked for Polish sausage?'

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot"

Bill · 08-13-2009, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orrin

Q. What's the difference between oral and rectal thermometers?

A. The taste.

Bill · 08-13-2009, 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arubamark

Polish Sausage

Everyone is in a hurry to scream 'racism' these days!

A man asks a store clerk, 'In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?'
The clerk looks at him and says, 'Are you Polish?'

The guy (clearly offended) says, 'Well, yes I am.
But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst,
would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog.
would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a taco,
would you ask if I was Mexican?'

'If I asked for some Irish whiskey,
would you ask if I was Irish?'

The clerk says, 'Well, no, I probably wouldn't!'

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says,
'Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish
because I asked for Polish sausage?'

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot"

Welllll,,,, in the Home depot I go there is a sausage cart so it's not that far fetched

Bill · 08-13-2009, 11:06 PM

Cannibals

2 cannibals were having lunch. your wife makes great soups said 1 to the other. yes agreed the first, but i am going to miss her terribly

08-09-2009, 09:33 PM	#181 (permalink)
Orrin Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Nevada Posts: 178	Aging First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter Share Post on Facebook __________________

08-10-2009, 09:09 AM	#182 (permalink)
cindyo Senior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Reniassance Island Posts: 3,523 Images: 138	orrin,orrin,orrin.. What would we do without you? I think you are one of the funniest people I know, well, know on this site...thank you for your sence of humor...I get it completely ! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter Share Post on Facebook __________________ Cindyo Family Poolside at the Rennaissance suites April 2010 Family with Bully, arubalisa & family Next Aruba trip in Next Aruba trip in

08-11-2009, 05:19 PM	#183 (permalink)
Orrin Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Nevada Posts: 178	Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: I beg your pardon? Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale. Proctor: Sorry, no. Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale. At this point, the studnet produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale." Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away. Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter Share Post on Facebook __________________

08-12-2009, 10:07 PM	#184 (permalink)
Bill Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Any beach, party, bar or Casino!!!!!! Posts: 1,013 Images: 3	A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed >> was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an >> Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to >> 'Dad.' >> >> With the worst premonition he opened the envelope >> >> with trembling hands and read the letter. >> >> >> Dear Dad: >> >> It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.. I had to elope >> with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and >> you. >> >> I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. >> >> But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, >> tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older >> than I am. But it' s not only the passion.....Dad she's pregnant. >> >> Stacy said that we will be very happy. >> >> She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole >> winter. We share a dream of having many more children. >> >> Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt >> anyone. >> We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people >> that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. >> >> In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so >> >> Stacy can get better. She deserves it. >> >> Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. >> >> Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can >> >> >> get to know your grandchildren. >> >> >> Love, Your Son John >> >> >> >> PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. >> >> >> I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a >> Report card That's in my center desk drawer. >> >> >> I love you. >> >> >> Call me when it's safe to come home. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter Share Post on Facebook __________________ BW

08-13-2009, 04:56 PM	#185 (permalink)
Orrin Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Nevada Posts: 178	Q. What's the difference between oral and rectal thermometers? A. The taste. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter Share Post on Facebook __________________

08-13-2009, 08:32 PM	#187 (permalink)
arubamark Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Rennaissance Island & Bully's Taxi Posts: 1,293 Images: 47	Being a "Pole" I can post this Polish Sausage Everyone is in a hurry to scream 'racism' these days! A man asks a store clerk, 'In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?' The clerk looks at him and says, 'Are you Polish?' The guy (clearly offended) says, 'Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog. would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?' 'If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?' The clerk says, 'Well, no, I probably wouldn't!' With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, 'Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?' The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot" Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter Share Post on Facebook

08-13-2009, 11:06 PM	#190 (permalink)
Bill Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Any beach, party, bar or Casino!!!!!! Posts: 1,013 Images: 3	Cannibals 2 cannibals were having lunch. your wife makes great soups said 1 to the other. yes agreed the first, but i am going to miss her terribly Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter Share Post on Facebook __________________ BW