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Thread: HUMOR (no profanity PG13 )

  1. #201
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner.
    While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister
    asked their son what they were having.

    "Goat," the little boy replied.

    "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about
    that?"

    "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well
    have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'"

  2. #202
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    Older Than Dirt Quiz :

    Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.

    Ratings at the bottom.

    1. Blackjack chewing gum
    2.Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
    3. Candy cigarettes
    4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
    5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
    6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
    7. Party lines on the telephone
    8. Newsreels before the movie
    9. P.F. Flyers
    10. Butch wax
    11. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and
    were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were
    only 3 channels [if you were fortunate])
    12. Peashooters
    13. Howdy Doody
    14. 45 RPM records
    15. S& H greenstamps
    16. Hi-fi's
    17. Metal ice trays with lever
    18. Mimeograph paper
    19. Blue flashbulb
    20. Packards
    21. Roller skate keys
    22. Cork popguns
    23. Drive-ins
    24. Studebakers
    25. Wash tub wringers

    If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
    If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
    If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
    If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!

    I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best
    parts of my life..

    Don't forget to pass this along!!
    Especially to all your really OLD, and not so old friends...

    'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down
    together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put
    on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it

  3. #203
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    Important information for Fish...

    If you see a worm shaped like the letter 'J',
    Ignore it and swim on by.

  4. #204
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    Orrin please delete that! Im a fisherman and I know they are smarter than me!

  5. #205
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he
    found the C.E.O. standing in front of the shredder, a piece of
    paper in hand, looking befuddled. "Listen," said the C.E.O.,
    "this is a very sensitive and most important document, and my
    secretary has left for the day. Can you make this thing work?"

    "Certainly" exclaims the young exec., turning the machine on, and
    inserting the paper.

    "Excellent, excellent!" exclaims the C.E.O. as his paper
    disappears inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

  6. #206
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    Italians...gotta luv'em!

    At Saint Mary's Catholic Church, they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Mario, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman
    all these years.

    Mario replied to the assembled husbands, 'Well, I've a-tried to treat-a her nice, spenda da money on her, but besta of alla is that I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!

    The Priest responded "Mario, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary..."

    Mario proudly replied, "I'ma gonna go get her."

  7. #207
    Senior Member cindyo's Avatar
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    Bill- good one !

  8. #208
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing
    off a considerable amount of whisky at a local pub. As he
    staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take
    a nap, with his back against a tree.

    As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the
    Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always
    wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

    She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and
    saw what nature had provided him at his birth.

    Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now!
    He must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair,
    and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman,
    and the two walked away.

    Some time later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature,
    and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve
    himself. He raised his kilt...and saw where the blue ribbon was
    tied. After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said...

    "I donna know where y'been lad...but it's nice ta'know y'won first
    prize!"

  9. #209
    Senior Member Chadd's Avatar
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    This one you don't even have to make up
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/pi...daymakers.html

  10. #210
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chadd View Post
    This one you don't even have to make up
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/pi...daymakers.html
    LMAO! How appropriate

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