Aruba Beach
Page 30 of 39 FirstFirst ... 202829303132 ... LastLast
Results 291 to 300 of 382
Like Tree24Likes

Thread: HUMOR (no profanity PG13 )

  1. #291
    Aruba since 1979
    Moderator
    Andrea J.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    29,908
    well hell, isn't that so many are in opposition to the ritz?????

  2. #292
    Senior Member Arubalisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Any Aruba beach...
    Posts
    13,177
    Quote Originally Posted by Andrea J. View Post
    well hell, isn't that so many are in opposition to the ritz?????
    Guam and Aruba are similar in size. Imo, I would rather have 8,000 U.S. marines than a resort hotel, but that is just me.

  3. #293
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Any beach, party, bar or Casino!!!!!!
    Posts
    1,093
    Quote Originally Posted by Arubalisa View Post
    Let me first clarify, this is not an April Fool's joke.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs23CjIWMgA
    Someone needs to dope slap him

  4. #294
    Aruba since 1979
    Moderator
    Andrea J.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    29,908

    Hello

    Personal Information:

    HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

    The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

    The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :


    Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

    One student, however, wrote the following:

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

    Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

    This gives two possibilities:

    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

    So which is it?

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


    THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

  5. #295
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    178
    A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside.

    The grass eventually became overgrown. One day the mechanic was working on a car in the backyard and dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.

    That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight.

    Realizing what had happened he looked toward the heavens and proclaimed,
    "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!"

  6. #296
    Aruba since 1979
    Moderator
    Andrea J.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    29,908
    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha


    Quote Originally Posted by Orrin View Post
    A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside.

    The grass eventually became overgrown. One day the mechanic was working on a car in the backyard and dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.

    That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight.

    Realizing what had happened he looked toward the heavens and proclaimed,
    "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!"

  7. #297
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    66
    A precious little girl walks into a Petsmart shop and asks,


    in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me,

    mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"








    As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that

    he's on her level and asks,"Do you want a widdle white wabbit,

    or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that

    cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"








    She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her

    hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,

    "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."


  8. #298
    Aruba since 1979
    Moderator
    Andrea J.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    29,908
    love it!


    Quote Originally Posted by bostonlager View Post
    a precious little girl walks into a petsmart shop and asks,


    in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "excuthe me,

    mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"








    as the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that

    he's on her level and asks,"do you want a widdle white wabbit,

    or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that

    cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"








    she, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her

    hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,

    "i don't think my python weally gives a thit."


  9. #299
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Any beach, party, bar or Casino!!!!!!
    Posts
    1,093
    Too much work, and no vacation,
    Deserves at least a small libation.
    So hail! my friends, and raise your glasses,
    Work's the curse of the drinking classes.

  10. #300
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Any beach, party, bar or Casino!!!!!!
    Posts
    1,093

    Supposed to be an e-mail but its funny.

    Friendship ~ None of that Sissy Sh*t

    Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

    Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

    You will see no cute little smiley faces on this ~ Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.


    1. When you are sad ~ I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

    2. When you are blue ~ I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
    3. When you smile ~ I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

    4. When you are scared ~ I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.

    5. When you are worried ~ I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

    6.. When you are confused ~ I will try to use only little words.

    7.. When you are sick ~ Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.. I don't want whatever you have.

    8. When you fall ~ I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up.

    9. This is my oath .... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask ~ because you are my friend.

    Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

    Send this to 10 of your closest friends.

    Then get depressed because you can only think of 5 OR 6.

Page 30 of 39 FirstFirst ... 202829303132 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO