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Thread: HUMOR (no profanity PG13 )

  1. #321
    Senior Member corona's Avatar
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    Glad you both liked it too. I heart those women.
    No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem
    Next Aruba trip in
    Loving Aruba Since Honeymoon 1984

  2. #322
    Aruba since 1979
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    Andrea J.'s Avatar
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    thx

    Quote Originally Posted by corona View Post
    Glad you both liked it too. I heart those women.

  3. #323
    Senior Member Orrin's Avatar
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    An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being
    away from the Church.

    There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other
    wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

    Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a
    very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first
    admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it
    used to be."

    The priest replied: "Get out. You're on my side."

  4. #324
    Aruba since 1979
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    Andrea J.'s Avatar
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    loved that.

    Quote Originally Posted by orrin View Post
    an irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being
    away from the church.

    There's a fully equipped bar with guinness on tap. On the other
    wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

    Then the priest comes in. "father, forgive me, for it's been a
    very long time since i've been to confession, but i must first
    admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it
    used to be."

    the priest replied: "get out. You're on my side."

  5. #325
    Senior Member Arubalisa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andrea J. View Post
    loved that.
    Me too! Did not see that one coming!

  6. #326
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    Dad Will Never Say


    Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say


    10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.


    9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?


    8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.


    7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.


    6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?


    5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.


    4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.


    3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.


    2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.


    1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.

  7. #327
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    One day during a sermon the pastor looked at a little girl and asked. "Is that your Easter Dress?" to which the girl replied loudly into his microphone, "Yes, and my mother says it's a b*tch to iron!"

    One day a little girl walked into the bathroom while mom was getting ready for the day and said, "Mommy you are getting fat!" The mom replied, "Yes, dear. Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." Without missing a beat the little girl said, Mommy I wasn't talking about your tummy, I'm talking about your butt!"

    Lastly, A little girl eating a snack cake was at the barber watching too closely as her brother was getting a hair cut. The barber wanting her to move back leaned down and said that she will get hair on her Twinkie. The reply, "Yep and I will grow boobs too!

    Funny what kids will say!

  8. #328
    Senior Member qlaval's Avatar
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    This is too funny not to pass on....enjoy

    AN ACTUAL PERSONAL AD


    To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me In Downtown Savannah night before last.


    Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m.E.S.T.



    I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.



    First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The even ing was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!



    I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].



    After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!



    I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]


    I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.



    Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.



    The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).


    ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you . but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime.. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!



    Thoughtfully yours,


    Alex

  9. #329
    Aruba since 1979
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    Andrea J.'s Avatar
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    Loved it

  10. #330
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    Of all my favorite things to do,
    the utmost is to have a brew.
    My love grows for my foamy friend,
    with each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
    Beer's so frothy, smooth and cold--
    It's paradise--pure liquid gold.
    Yes, beer means many things to me...
    That's all for now, I gotta pee!

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