Aruba Beach
Page 36 of 39 FirstFirst ... 263435363738 ... LastLast
Results 351 to 360 of 382
Like Tree24Likes

Thread: HUMOR (no profanity PG13 )

  1. #351
    CK1
    CK1 is offline
    Senior Member CK1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Anywhere where I can see the turquoise-blue ocean
    Posts
    2,285

    Ahhh, that's the reason!

    On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of
    your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will
    give you a life span of twenty years."

    The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years
    and I'll give you back the other ten?"

    So God agreed......

    On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do
    tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life
    span."



    The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time
    to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

    And God agreed......


    On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field
    with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give
    milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span
    of sixty years."

    The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty
    years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

    And God agreed again......

    On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and
    enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

    But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
    twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the
    ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

    "Okay," said God. "You asked for it."

    So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
    ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our
    family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the
    grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and
    bark at everyone.

    Life has now been explained to you.

  2. #352
    Senior Member Arubalisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Any Aruba beach...
    Posts
    13,177
    Quote Originally Posted by CK1 View Post
    Life has now been explained to you.

  3. #353
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Any beach, party, bar or Casino!!!!!!
    Posts
    1,093
    10 games for old age

    1.)Sag, You're it
    2.)Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
    3.)20 questions shouted into your good ear
    4.)Kick the bucket
    5.)Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over
    6.)Doc Goose
    7.)Simon says something incoherent
    8.)Hide and go pee
    9.)Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
    10.)Musical recliners

  4. #354
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Any beach, party, bar or Casino!!!!!!
    Posts
    1,093
    New Bass Boat
    A good ole Arkansas boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought

    it home and his wife looks at him and says, "What you gonna do with
    that.

    There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of

    here."

    He says, "I won it and I'm a gonna keep it."

    His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and

    asks where his brother is.

    She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing to the field

    behind the house.

    The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother sitting in a

    bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand down in the middle of a big

    field.

    He yells out to him, "What are you doing?"

    His brother replies, "I'm fishin. What does it look like I'm a doing."

    His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Arkansas
    a bad name, makin everybody think we is stupid. If I could swim, I'd
    come out there and whip your ass!"

  5. #355
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    112

    I have to share this story! The world is going crazy!

    Something unbelievable happened today on my way home from work.
    There was a tremendous traffic jam. The cars were litterally stopped on the highway. We were stuck on the road for over an hour. When I finally made it home and was watching the news I found out the reason that I was stuck in all that traffic.

    Apparenty there was a guy and a girl on a motorcycle and they had cut off a van that was traveling north on rte 93. The van had 3 guys in it and they began chasing the motorcycle which began weaving in and out of lanes to try and lose the guys in the van. In an attempt to get away, the motorcycle at the very last minute attempted to take an exit. The bike crashed into the exit sign and the women on the back of the bike had her arm completely cut off.

    The van that had been chasing them pulls up to the scene and the 3 guys get out. One of them goes over and picks up the girls arm. Then the 3 guys jump back into the van and TAKE OFF! The police were right on the scene and radio ahead to the NH State Police the spot the van and pull them over.
    They were all arrested for arm robbery

  6. #356
    Aruba since 1979
    Moderator
    Andrea J.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    29,889
    hahahahahahaha

  7. #357
    Senior Member luvsun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Scott's Brats...and our patio
    Posts
    536
    Well thats pretty sick! They didn't take the arm with them, did they?
    Too much road rage out there.

  8. #358
    Aruba since 1979
    Moderator
    Andrea J.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    29,889
    "arm robbery"
    the poster was making a joke.

    going to move this into the joke category

    Quote Originally Posted by luvsun View Post
    Well thats pretty sick! They didn't take the arm with them, did they?
    Too much road rage out there.

  9. #359
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Any beach, party, bar or Casino!!!!!!
    Posts
    1,093
    A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. After the game, he asked her how she liked it."Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the outfits & the big muscles, but I don't get why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?""Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it & then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents.....

  10. #360
    Aruba since 1979
    Moderator
    Andrea J.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    29,889
    is that a blonde joke?
    Quote Originally Posted by Bill View Post
    A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. After the game, he asked her how she liked it."Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the outfits & the big muscles, but I don't get why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?""Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it & then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents.....

Page 36 of 39 FirstFirst ... 263435363738 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO