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Thread: HUMOR (no profanity PG13 )

  1. #61
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    Who is dumber? Him or the Wife to be?

  2. #62
    Senior Member arubamark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arubalisa View Post
    OMG, I just read that article and said to myself, "That person needs a check up from the neck up." No good will come to her if past practice continues.

    ... in other crime related news , I was glad (???) to see that the Walsh family had some real closure yesterday on the killer of their son. The person who committed the horrendous crime already died in prison.

    Yeah I read that also, at least they got some closure to it. I think the guy confesssed to his neice on his death bed and the neice came forward and informed the family.

  3. #63
    Senior Member DANNYO's Avatar
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    Smart guy...Dumb girl...????Does she read the paper or see the news on TV?????

  4. #64
    Senior Member Jarubian's Avatar
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    I think the wife to be is Dumber. Why after all 4 wife go missing, you want to be # 5? Than again she is only 23, young and naive.

  5. #65
    Senior Member cindyo's Avatar
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    Drew Peterson is one screwball....he creeps me out...what the freak is wrong with the new 23 yr. old chick...stupid or what??? He is no celebrity..

  6. #66
    Senior Member arubamark's Avatar
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    Hmmmmmmm

    PARABLE . .

    A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (Ford) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.


    The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.
    Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.


    Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.


    Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents, and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners, and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes, and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.


    The next year the Japanese won by two miles.


    Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India .
    The End.


    Here's something else to think about:
    Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money paying American wages.
    TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US. The last quarter's results:
    TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.
    Ford folks are still scratching their heads.
    ------------
    IF THIS WEREN'T TRUE, IT MIGHT BE FUnny !!!

  7. #67
    Senior Member danadog56's Avatar
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    that is just so depressing......if senior management were required by the government to be responsible for its losses this kind of obsurdity would not even come into play...........
    ARUBA....HOME AWAY FROM HOME

  8. #68
    Senior Member Bill's Avatar
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    How a Xmax tradition began

    How A Xmas Tradition Began

    When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular elves, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
    Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
    When he went to harness the reindeer, Santa found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
    Then, when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
    Frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink.
    In his frustration, Santa accidentally dropped the cider pot, breaking it into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
    He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
    Just then, the doorbell rang and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened it, and there was a little angel with a great big Xmas tree.
    The angel cheerfully said, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?
    And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Xmas tree.

  9. #69
    Senior Member arubamark's Avatar
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    One for the ladies>>>>Man Rules

    These are our rules!

    Please note... they are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!


    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
    put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
    complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the
    tides. Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one! Subtle
    hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not
    work! Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
    question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
    fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
    ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it
    done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
    yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
    commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
    We have NO idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like
    nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an
    answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
    fine... Really!

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
    discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the
    couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like
    camping.



  10. #70
    Senior Member cindyo's Avatar
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    mark, good one "1."...love it, cindy

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