“We should ban anyone over 40 from drinking alcohol on board.” Good morning. It’s 8:35 am here as I begin to write this part of today’s blog. My morning started with a visit to the coffee shop before I hosted the Morning Show and that’s when I met a guest who, through half-closed eyes and the complexion of a bullfrog, said these words, “We should ban anyone over 40 from drinking alcohol on board.” Yep, this guest, who is 55 years old, had been out late the night before. He explained that it had been the birthday of one of the guests they shared a dinner table with and they had wine at dinner, after dinner drinks, drinks at the comedy club and then drinks in the casino bar. So, basically, this guy now has a leviathan of a hangover because of someone he met just eight days ago and who when I asked the guest what his name was, he went, “Ummmm, Bill, Bob, Robert, something like that.”
As you know, I don’t drink and haven’t for many years. And, while I sometimes miss the taste of a cold beer or the luxury of combining a Cuban cigar with a glass of X.O. Cognac, I do not miss hugging the porcelain bowl while sobbing that the whole population of Paris has taken a crap in my head.
I have little sympathy for this guest. He is 55 sodding years old for goodness sake. The under 30′s can wake up after a night out, swig down a few cans of Red Bull and bugger off to the gym. The guest I met this morning looks like he belongs in an episode of The Walking Dead and when I mentioned breakfast, he nearly vomited in my cappuccino.
That being said, I think it’s time that I give you some rules to cruise by if you are over 40 and intend having a cocktail or two.
No guest over 40 should be allowed to do shots. Please don’t go to the nightclub and order a round of tequila shots because you’re over 40 and you can’t handle it anymore. You might as well ask a friend to beat you around the legs with a baseball bat because that’s how you will feel in the morning. Don’t do it. Oh and shots at Carlos and Charlie’s – if you’re over 40, don’t do them. These are designed only for twenty-somethings with the word Pink advertised on their bottoms. Don’t beer the night before you are taking a tour to Paris, not with your 40-plus year old bladder. You will be on the bus for three hours and the guide and indeed the rest of the guests will not be happy if they have to stop at every La Shell Station so you can pee and perhaps worse. Never mix loads of different types of cocktails just because your friend Jennifer says: “I know, let’s do the entire Alchemy bar menu” Don’t do it, you’re over 40 and if you do Ketut your cabin steward will not be happy as he cleans the cabin mirror that now looks like a Picasso painting.
Anyway, I felt sorry for this guest and how he felt, so it was only fair then that I sent a bottle of champagne to his cabin……..and, as I knew, he was heading back there with his coffee, I also asked room service to deliver along with champagne……….a nice big peanut butter and jelly sandwich because as the old CD joke states……that’s the only thing that tastes the same coming up…………as it does going down.
Only folks over 40 should be banned from drinking alcohol because they cannot handle it? IMO, folks of ANY age can be at risk if they overdo it. Lots of teenagers or young people in their 20s end up in hospitals with alcohol poisoning.