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Thread: Come on, you know you want to read it.

  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    Since 1980, and throughout the many changes, we still love going downtown in Oranjestad.
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    Come on, you know you want to read it.

    Good evening everybody,

    I have finished my fictitious trip report. I've tried to make it sound as real as possible.

    You never know how these things are going to go, but I hope you learn something and that it brings a smile to my friends here on the forum.

    If you have any questions about Maui, please don't hesitate to ask. Just so you know, we are rebooked for Maui in April/May 2021.

    Anyway, please enjoy.

    A Month in Maui

    A different kind of trip report

    I love writing these trip reports but this one is different. It is for a vacation we were suppose take, departing on Wednesday, April 22, 2020 but could not. Covid-19 resulted in the cancellation of all non-essential travel between Canada and the U.S. I think that after a long, cold winter, laying on a chaise lounge in Maui is essential. Canada Border Services Agency doesn’t see it that way and they really don’t have much of a sense of haha.

    So, this is a TR for a trip we never took. It is fiction, a phony, fake news, made up; the work of a CPA with a wild imagination, stuck indoors and with a sense of humour which could charitably be called ‘off the wall’, and more accurately called warped.

    And introducing…

    When I write a TR about an Aruban vacation, it involves just Donna and I. In Maui many years ago we met a widow named Val who was staying at Nani Kai Hale where we stay. Val, who lives in Seattle, and Donna have become close friends over the years. The three of us have been meeting in Maui every spring for more than ten years. She’s in her 80’s, has a heart of gold but can be a bit gruff. One time, several years ago, she called me a glass bowl; at least that’s what it sounded like to me when she was muttering to herself.

    Val is convinced that Covid-19 is a world-wide plot whose only purpose is to screw up her Maui vacation.

    Yes, I know, you’re ready to be regaled.

    It’s always a very long day.

    Flying from Winnipeg to Maui is a very long travel day. We are at the airport for a 6:00am flight to Vancouver. As always happens, the WestJet flight drops at one end of YVR (Vancouver International Airport) and it’s a long, long way to pre-clear U.S. Customs at the other end. Thank goodness for the moving walkways.

    We find the gate for our WestJet flight to Maui. We leave YVR for Maui just before noon. It’s a six-hour flight, and it doesn’t really matter from where on the west coast you leave, it’s a 5 to 6 hour flight. We try to get a flight that gets into Maui in the mid-afternoon.

    At this time of year, after we’ve moved the clocks, there is a five-hour time difference between Winnipeg and Maui. This time difference governed much of our activity while we were Maui, especially in the first days after arrival.

    Finally, we got into the Maui airport. Collecting our bags, I get Donna settled on her favourite planter with the baggage cart ($5.00 rental) and go to get the rental car from Hertz in the new car rental terminal.

    Welcome home
    I get the car, head back to the terminal and drive to the exit of the baggage claim area to get Donna and our luggage. Well of course I didn’t have the air conditioning on the right setting.

    We’re in the car, and wind our way out of the Kahului Airport property. Once we’re on Dairy Road, it’s a couple of stop lights, then a left-hander onto the highway that takes us to the town of Kihei. It’s a comfortable, four-lane, divided highway with several inexplicable speed limit changes. Tourists (veterans like us and newcomers alike) usually drive to the speed limit; locals, well…same as in Aruba.

    When we’re on the highway, I always turn to Donna and say “Welcome home”. She turns to me and says fondly, “eyes on the road”. Okay, okay.

    Seniors’ side or party side?
    When it comes to tourist accommodation, Maui is basically divided into two parts; first, the south side, where we’ve spent the past 12-15 years every April/May. We call it the seniors’ side. As mentioned earlier, the town is called Kihei. Quiet, peaceful; the reason we come to Maui in the first place.

    Years before we settled on Kihei, we used to stay on the west side in the historic old whaling town of Lahaina. Front Street in Lahaina, and the Kaanapali area are party places.
    Below is the link to where we stay, Nani Kai Hale; Hawaiian for ‘my beautiful sea-house’, at least that’s what they say it is. It is right on Sugar Beach, one of the best walking beaches in Maui; about four miles in length with a smooth, sand bottom.
    It is a six floor, 46 unit condo place; no restaurant, no bar. We get a 1 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo.

    First flight of the day

    Donna and I are early risers, both in Aruba and in Maui, but in Maui it’s largely because of the five-hour time change. At about 5 am I get up, flick the coffee on, and open up the lanai (balcony for mainlanders, Canadians and other sorts).

    We sit on the lanai quietly, and watch as the landing lights of the first flight of the day come in. Usually it’s an all-cargo flight coming over from Honolulu.

    About an hour later we see the Maui News truck arrive, depositing the morning paper in the box, near the office.

    After breakfast and while Donna enjoys another cup of coffee, I gather up our towels and head down to the yard to stake out our spots; I get Donna a chair at a large table, while I get a chaise lounge for myself.

    Don’t forget to wipe! No, no, no; not that. No, the lawn sprinklers come on about 4 am. Don’t want you to get a wet bum so wipe down your chaise.

    In any case, this was our early-morning routine every day for a month.

    And I dreamt up this story for nothing?

    After the six colon surgeries back in 2011, and the pancreatic cancer surgery of two years ago my abdomen now looks like a cross between the London subway map and the diagram of how to hook up your new, whatever complicated thing you just bought.

    People are naturally curious beings. It’s beautiful warm sunny weather outside and I have a warped sense of humour. Put those together and you just know I’m going to need a good story to tell the gawkers.

    I got it! Shark attack! It would make me sound rugged and it’s way sexier than wonky gut surgery. And the women, they’d be so impressed.

    So, it’s 8:00am, and every day for a month I’m laying on my chaise lounge with my shirt off, and people wander by, but they don’t say anything. They look, I knew they were looking, but not a single soul asked me about my surgical scars. I mean not one. I was disillusioned and wept with disappointment.

    Val goes berserk!

    Nani Kai Hale has three types of residents. Full-time residents who live there year-round, part-time residents who vacation there and rent out their unit the rest of the time and guests who rent a unit for their vacation, like us.

    Those of us who rent for vacation have the use of the unit, the yard, the pool and we can park in any spot not marked ‘reserved’. But we are not the condo police! We cannot or should not tell people that they must wash the sand from their feet when they come up from the beach, and we shouldn’t be following the property manager around making sure he cleans the barbeque area just so. Yes, Val does those things, and lots more. I’m sure you’ve seen these types elsewhere.

    Some of us reluctantly accept change and do our best, others cannot deal with change very well at all.

    So imagine this. For most of the last 39 years, Val has parked in the same spot, just below where her second-floor unit is. Last year, one of the fulltime residents asked for and paid for that same parking spot, with the word ‘Reserved’ painted in bright, white letters. Val, upon arrival, went berserk. And no, the condo owner didn’t care anything about her coming there for 39 years. His wife was even less polite.

    “I never did believe in miracles, but I’ve a feelin’ it’s time to try”, from Miracles by Fleetwood Mac

    This is the restaurant section and like our Aruba vacations, we like to go to trusted, old favourites and make some new discoveries.

    Fleetwood Mac co-founder and drummer, Mick Fleetwood, has a restaurant on Front Street (Called, and I’m not making this up, Fleetwoods on Front Street) in Lahaina. Donna and I love going there for lunch. There’s nothing like sitting in Fleetwood’s rooftop terrace, watching out over the aqua green waters of Lahaina Harbour, enjoying fish tacos and listening to Mick, John, Christine, Stevie, Lindsay, Neil and other’s on the sound system. Not one song from after 1990, or so it seemed.

    Other restaurants we love going to in Maui are:
    Matteo’s, Manoli’s, Green Chiles, Polli’s, Maui Flatbread Company in the hippy town of Paia, Ruth’s Chris. There were several others.

    Has your wife ever told you that you don’t pay attention?

    I paid attention when I was working on accounting stuff but the rest of the time, not as much. and
    Maui is a favourite destination of celebrities. There is a tie-in to this section, so pay attention.

    It happened at least three times when we were in Maui. At Fleetwoods, Jay Leno walked by and sat down for lunch with another fellow. Twice at Ruth’s Chris in the Shops at Wailea, Ralph Lauren and an English actor Donna recognized were having dinner. Me? I didn’t recognize any of them. Donna just rolled her eyes.

    Well, I wasn’t going to run over to Ralph Lauren and say “ Hey,Ralph, look. I’m wearing your shirt.” Some would, not me.

    As in Aruba, so in Maui:

    I’ve told you in Aruba trip reports that I am very familiar with pretty much every bench outside every store from one end of Aruba to the other.
    And so it is with Maui. Shops of Wailea, Queen Ka’anapali Shopping Centre, Kula Marketplace and other places, I know them all while Donna goes in and out of every store.

    In Lahaina, there are stores on only one side of the street. I wait for her, leaning against the seawall and just trying to look enigmatic.

    Almost time to go home

    Man, four weeks can really fly by.

    The last day is always the same. Donna does the packing, totals up our receipts for Canada Customs. I take the cases and out them in the car. We go to Amigo’s for a Mexican dinner. We gas up the car to return it to Hertz full, then head to the airport.
    I drop Donna and the bags at the WestJet counter.

    The six- hour overnight flight back to Vancouver is a killer for Donna. I can usually sleep on the plane but she cannot. Still we get there, both tired and only part way home.

    Eventually we get through Canada Customs, start the long trek to the domestic terminal and wait for our flight back to Winnipeg.
    The London Limos guy is waiting for us in Winnipeg and in about 20 minutes, we’re home.

    Friends, I know that this has been a very long read. I hope it’s kind of what you’ve been hoping to see.

    Take care everyone. Stay safe. You’ve been handling your keyboard and doing other things, so… It doesn’t matter, go wash them again.

    Winnipeg, Canada
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  2. #2
    Super Moderator WaltVB's Avatar
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    Nice... I miss Hawaii. I used to go for work several months a year, but always in Oahu. I was there so often, for a while people thought I was a local boy. I'd consider going to Maui, but I don't think Pam would want to make that flight, it's about a 14 hour day for us and that's getting there at three or four in the afternoon. Thanks for sharing your imaginary trip with us.

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  3. #3
    Aruba since 1979
    Andrea J.'s Avatar
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    May 2007
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    Thanks Glenn.

    We have never considered Hawaii as the flights are way too long for our liking.

    Dear son does his Navy reserve duty and his d.o.d. (day job) at Pearl more times than anywhere other than SanDiego.
    He is not a real fan of the island although he does love the surfing and fishing.
    He much prefers Aruba for vacations and San Diego for Navy reserve duty.
    Last edited by Andrea J.; 04-22-2020 at 10:56 PM. Reason: typo. thanks for the PM reminding me of the 2 typos. SMH
    ​In a world where you can be anything, be kind!
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  4. #4
    Senior Member brady bear's Avatar
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    Feb 2015
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    Thanks for the good read.
    Would love to go to Hawaii but Lou would never stay on a plane that long (or change flights)
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